SP: English Study Group

source: http://www.divinecaroline.com/22059/115378-unconventional-wisdom-dad-s-unofficial-guide

When it comes to laying down cold, hard truth and dispensing common sense, my dad rivaled Benjamin Franklin in the quantity of his output. Everything was a potential lesson; every moment was an opportunity for teaching. And I’m not just talking about familiar adages and aphorisms like “A stitch in time saves nine” or “The early bird catches the worm.” He said those, too, of course, but my dad’s particular brand of life advice was a bit, umm, quirkier. He didn’t teach me how to change a tire or file my own taxes, but in honor of Father’s Day, I’d like to share with you my dad’s guide to making it through life. This is the stuff you really need to know.

Life Advice #1: Be Suspicious of Mayonnaise
When I was about seven, I remember my dad walking me through an airport, past an array of premade sandwiches at a counter. He pointed and said, “Allison, if you’re ever choosing something to eat in public, never pick something with mayonnaise on it. You don’t know how long it’s been sitting there.” As I got older, he refined this rule to acknowledge that mayo in a restaurant or at somebody’s house was usually okay, as long as the food was made fresh or the mayo came from a sealed packet, but that I should always be wary of premade food with mayonnaise. These were wise words. I spent more than twenty years assiduously avoiding BLTs and chicken salad platters. And then the one time I broke the rule and indulged in some mayonnaise at an outdoor burger place? A wicked case of food poisoning. Gah.

Life Advice #2: If You Walk Behind a Horse, You’re Going to Step in Shit
My dad was the king of “What’d you expect?” parenting. He was never afraid to point out that the logical consequence of doing something stupid, dangerous, or ill-advised was pain—emotional, physical, or otherwise—and that I probably deserved it. As a kid, this seemed harsh, because my dad never offered sympathy or comfort about broken toys or minor injuries that could have been prevented by not acting like an idiot. He usually just shrugged and said, “Well, you tried to roller-skate backward down a wood plank. Exactly how did you imagine that ending?” I quickly learned to rethink doing dumb stuff—or at least not to complain about the consequences if I did.

Life Advice #3: You Are a Peon. Get Used to It. 
If there’s one thing kids always relate to, it’s feudalism. Dad always made it clear that in our house, he was the lord of the estate and I was but a lowly serf (he called me a “peon”) whose job was to do chores and not make trouble. Although it was a metaphor for our family order, it’s a metaphor for adult life, too. Everyone is accountable to someone else, be it a parent or a boss, and if you don’t like it then buy your own house or start your own business. I’m still hoping to someday ascend to the level of vassal.

Life Advice #4: Success Is Paying Someone Else to Do Your Grunt Work
In second grade, I came home with an “unsatisfactory” in handwriting. I expected to get in trouble, but my dad said, “Allison, I have terrible handwriting. But you know what? I make enough money that I pay someone else to do my writing for me. That should be your goal.” We all have things in life that we either hate doing or aren’t good at, and that’s okay. If you work hard and you’re lucky, you can pay someone to do those things for you. Or just have kids and make them do it.

Life Advice #5: Life’s a Bitch Sometimes
The greatest gift my father gave me was teaching me early on that life isn’t always fair. Bad things happen to good people. Bad people sometimes win. Sometimes the game is rigged. He never tried to sell me on the concept of cosmic justice, nor did he try to comfort me with inane platitudes like “God has a plan.” He acknowledged that sometimes life hurts, and sometimes you try your best and you still fail. But he always taught me that even if the world isn’t just and orderly, it’s still important to live honestly, always do the right thing, and to never, ever give up.

I also learned to not put up with crap and get up early and eat my vegetables and wear sunscreen and all of that. (Well, most of that.) As a Father’s Day gift to thank him for imparting such invaluable knowledge, I’ve given my dad the four words every father longs to hear: “Dad, you were right.”

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Q1: Do you have any wise advice or smart guide for your own life? share with us and tell us why. 

Q2: How do you deal with predicament in life or friends who hold the complete opposite guide?