Child safety: what's the best way to warn about the risks?

source:http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/shortcuts/2012/oct/03/child-safety-warn-about-risks

It's every parent's worst nightmare. The fear of a child being abducted haunts us all, not least when high-profile cases saturate the media, as has been the case this week.

A generation ago, television viewing seemed to be routinely interrupted by public information campaigns warning children about "stranger danger". All adults of a certain age will remember the lasting impact of watching as children the "Charley Says" broadcasts in the 1970s, warning about risks such as strangers in parks approaching you.

"Don't talk to strangers" feels too didactic and unfriendly for this age. And, in any case, there are no such public service campaigns now. So how should a parent explain to a child how to behave safely?

John Cameron, head of child protection operations at the NSPCC, says it's important that adults instil a sense of perspective in children about the risks. "Say something like: 'Not all strangers are bad, but occasionally they might want to harm you. You must never get into a stranger's car and you must scream and shout if they try to make you.' But I would reinforce the idea that not all strangers are dangerous."

Cameron says it is important that children do not lose the desire to explore their environment, as they must learn how to sensibly assess risk: "They can't be cosseted. As adults, we can become over-anxious and our children then suffer. The risk of a child being abducted is incredibly low and has remained roughly the same for decades. In previous decades, we were relentlessly told that the danger came from strangers, but we know that's not the case. We have also developed an idyllic sense that rural areas are safe and urban areas are dangerous in relation to the risk of abduction. But, again, that's not the case."

Michael Lamb, a professor of psychology at the University of Cambridge who specialises in "shaping children's adjustment and wellbeing", agrees that adults often "mis-focus" the perception of danger when communicating to children.

"The majority of children who are abused or abducted are done so by people known to them," he says. "We therefore risk giving them a false sense of security that they should only be wary of total strangers. The best instruction to give to children is not to go off with someone unless they have first checked with their parent or carer. The risk is that we communicate to children that there is more danger around than is actually the case."

Lamb also argues that parents should reassure children they are being monitored – and, obviously, follow that through by actually monitoring them when they are outside exploring: "It is clearly good advice to say: don't get into cars. But we also want parents to be more aware of what their kids are doing at all times. We must present the idea to children that their parents are there as a source of guidance. We have been good in the past about inoculating our children against strangers, but we must also be wary of instilling in children an unwillingness to believe that someone they know could be harmful."

He adds: "But I accept that finding a balance is tricky. We can over-exaggerate the dangers, especially with the influence of modern media. We also can't de-risk the world entirely. It is important that children are given the opportunities to explore. There is good evidence from studies that teenagers are better adjusted when they know that their parents are still monitoring their whereabouts. This extends to all children."

Suzie Hayman, the agony aunt and trustee of the parenting advice charity Family Lives, says the best way to talk to younger children about any danger is through "What would you do if …?" scenarios: "From an early age, we should be asking them how they would react to a certain situation – say, if they throw a ball into a road, or if a stranger asks them to get into a car. We shouldn't lecture them about the dangers, rather they should be encouraged to think of the right response first. We should then correct them if they don't get it right. We want to train them to have the correct instincts when it comes to potential dangers."

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Q1: When you were child, have you ever did the dangerous activities after parents or teachers warn you it is unsafe?

Q2: Do you think giving advice to adult of dangerous is more difficult than to child?