source: http://www.divinecaroline.com/22059/115378-unconventional-wisdom-dad-s-unofficial-guide
When it comes to laying down cold, hard truth and dispensing common sense, my dad rivaled Benjamin Franklin in the quantity of his output. Everything was a potential lesson; every moment was an opportunity for teaching. And I’m not just talking about familiar adages and aphorisms like “A stitch in time saves nine” or “The early bird catches the worm.” He said those, too, of course, but my dad’s particular brand of life advice was a bit, umm, quirkier. He didn’t teach me how to change a tire or file my own taxes, but in honor of Father’s Day, I’d like to share with you my dad’s guide to making it through life. This is the stuff you really need to know.
Life Advice #1: Be Suspicious of Mayonnaise
When I was about seven, I remember my dad walking me through an airport, past an array of premade sandwiches at a counter. He pointed and said, “Allison, if you’re ever choosing something to eat in public, never pick something with mayonnaise on it. You don’t know how long it’s been sitting there.” As I got older, he refined this rule to acknowledge that mayo in a restaurant or at somebody’s house was usually okay, as long as the food was made fresh or the mayo came from a sealed packet, but that I should always be wary of premade food with mayonnaise. These were wise words. I spent more than twenty years assiduously avoiding BLTs and chicken salad platters. And then the one time I broke the rule and indulged in some mayonnaise at an outdoor burger place? A wicked case of food poisoning. Gah.
Life Advice #2: If You Walk Behind a Horse, You’re Going to Step in Shit
